Walking in a Winter Wonderland

How like a winter hath my absence been

From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!

What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!

What old December's bareness everywhere!

-William Shakespeare

You might have heard of seasonal depression. I never did until I came across this term in the days of social media. But, that does not mean I knew nothing about it. In fact, I am one of those who experience it every year, especially in December-January. While growing up, I had no clue why I feel like a certain way in winters. I am not sure how others think about it but, we need awareness to deal with it. Well, I will share my experience. As soon as winters hit, a feeling of sadness prevails over me. In words of an Urdu poet Shoaib Bin Aziz:

Ab udas phirtay ho sardiyon ki shaamon mein

(Now, you wander sadly in the winter evenings)

This verse reflects sadness very well. But the poet mentions that sadness is related to love. What I am talking about has nothing to do with love!

Let us assume we don't know about any psychological definition of sadness in winter. I would like to share what are winters to me and how I feel in this season. There is always a feeling of emptiness inside me. I want to sit alone. The writer inside me is always hyperactive during winters. The philosophical thoughts begin to flow. The words start to sprout. It seems like there is nothing in life. Whatever I have, it is just useless!

Memories start to unpack. Even the smallest of memories, whether good or bad, show up. Sometimes, it feels like traditional women in Pakistan take out the blankets and razai(cotton quilt) from their stores and expose them to sunlight at the beginning of winters. Their purpose is to freshen them and kill the dust mites. The same goes for memories. By default, the box of memories gets opened every winter, and we revive all memories regardless of their age, type or intensity. We need more 'me' time. We remove the dust of time and freshen our memories. Our best companion is a cup of tea or coffee. We feel high!

Memory,

All alone in the moonlight,

I can dream of the old days

Life was beautiful then

I remember the time

I knew what happiness was.

Let the memory live again.

Winters are incomplete without books, songs and coffee. I love to read, especially poetry, in a cosy environment on cold winter's nights. Books welcome you in the realm of wisdom and ecstasy. Sometimes, I want to listen to sad and soft music. I believe you choose music that complements your feelings, and your choice of songs makes your feelings intense. Ali Sethi's songs give the right flavour, especially: Haal aisa nahi k tum se kahen, Chandni Raat, Chann kithaan, Barbara's Memory, Ali Zafar's 'Thora thak sa gaya hoon, Maroon 5's Memories, Abida Perveen's Shaam e wisaal, Lionel Richie's Hello, Junaid Jamshed's Aitbar, and the list goes on.

Winters come with a signboard: 'Take a break'. It is a mediator between us and our lost selves. Our unconscious mind forces us to spend more time with ourselves and reflect upon the past chapters of life. It is okay not to feel okay. We need to embrace sadness, stay alone for some time and, get to our deepest fears and intense feelings. Introspection in quiet moments can help us understand what has been bothering us in the back of the mind for years. We revisit our museum of memories and smile at the beautiful moments. It does not matter who has left and who has changed; what matters the most is the preserved moments that stay the same.

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark upon a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour -John Boswell

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